The education system missed a fundamental component of teaching skills: there’s a relationship between you and the thing you’re doing, the instrument you’re holding, the task at hand.

If you think of skill acquisition as a relationship, one that needs attention and cultivation and constant reinvention, perhaps this whole dieting thing will be an easier concept to digest. (Horrible pun intended.)     

Rather than approaching your diet with a “dieting mentality” – forcing something that doesn’t feel right, I encourage you to treat your relationship with food as you would a relationship with a person. Ultimately, you are. You’re cultivating a deeper relationship with yourself.

Why do people throw themselves so hopefully into new relationships, only to undermine themselves?

Why does that sound eerily like dieting?

With dieting, just as in romantic relationships, we don’t often learn the skills we need, nor do we use the skills we have, to get better at something. We convince ourselves we “try” after some half-assed attempt and then blame the other person for our lack of happiness.

This describes most of us.

And yet, some people are able to build lasting and satisfying relationships. Those successful people know that they have to keep working on their relationship, paying it attention, being mindful of their choices, remembering it’s a two-way street. They recognize how important it is to reinvent the relationship to keep things fresh and exciting. It requires concentration and deep work. Deep work doesn’t mean “miserable work.” It does take effort. Effort, when received, is always rewarding.  

Here’s a thought experiment.

Imagine if your relationship with your significant other was such that you felt like you had to be perfect all the time, always on your best behavior, on your guard about what choices you’d make, and forever anxious about messing up. You’d be tight as hell. You probably wouldn’t be much fun to be around. You wouldn’t be able to see that your behavior was influencing your partner’s nerves.

Now, let’s imagine that you’re prone to measuring every single thing that your partner said or did. Let’s imagine that you regularly force your ideology and absolutism on him, demanding innocuous details like the exact time of day you could see him, for precisely how long where you’ll be traveling, how much it will costs, etc.

You’d drive yourself and your partner crazy. Very soon you’d resent each other. You’d become enemies.    

The Alternative

What if you really took the time to get to know your partner, to listen, to learn what he liked and didn’t like, to invest time in how you got along, understanding why you have certain differences and how best to bridge those differences rather than avoid them?

What if you took the time to treat your partner kindly–wouldn’t he be more likely to respond in kind? Wouldn’t you be more likely to get the same outcome you’re searching for in your current attempt of forcing it?

Wouldn’t this general attitude and overall approach self-select a good partner, rather than a plastic wrapped fake?

That’s how we’re going to treat your relationship to food.     

Think of your diet as your partner. I guarantee you’ll start to act differently.